Les accords Toltèques: 4 codes of conduct for a better relationship, with oneself and with others.
Born in Mexico between 900 and 1200 AD, the Toltec culture developed around Tula, the ancient capital near Teotihuacan. Toltec means "master builders" in the Nahuatl language, and according to legend, the Aztecs were the descendants of royal lines. Since they are at the origin of civilisations, they are said by shamans to have the power to know wisdom. They invite us to regain control of our destructive thoughts, by improving our relationships and increasing our self-confidence.

In 1997, the shaman Miguel Ruiz wrote the book "The 4 Toltec Agreements", which was a worldwide success. In this book, he suggests that we free ourselves from limiting beliefs that have been in place since childhood, keeping us in unhappy comfort zones (of life). Our vision of reality, fuelled by these erroneous beliefs about ourselves and others, too often prevents us from living authentically. We try to fit in with the idea we have of ourselves, of life and of others, without really changing the truth of our deep-rooted beliefs. We follow the automatic mode, without questioning. Miguel Ruiz suggests that we change our relational attitudes in order to move closer to happy realism.

He suggests we follow 4 very simple rules for living. These rules and codes of conduct will lead us to a truer relationship with other people, groups and even ourselves. A better way of being in the world. These codes are so effective that more and more teachers and counsellors in the field of emotional and sexual life are teaching them in schools, in order to build better interpersonal skills from an early age.

What are they?

1: Let our words be impeccable 

The principle is to force ourselves to speak the truth. Being truthful saves a great deal of time and understanding. We are also talking here about congruence, an attitude described by the humanist psychologist Carl Rogers: the ability to express what is going on inside us in the moment of communication and to express it to the other person in a fair and sincere way. Impeccable speech is speech that is respectful and real.  The sender takes his place in communicating what he feels about the situation. This attitude can lead to a genuine response on the part of the receiver, and in any case makes it possible to get to know all aspects of the other person's reality, which is the very basis for building trust.This is just as important in relation to yourself. When you destroy yourself in words or thoughts, it's not true: you're very often harder on yourself. We are what we think we are. So building a better self-image makes us better people. Be kind in what you say to yourself or what you communicate to others, for a better relationship. Words are a double-edged sword: If we are respectful, we attract respect, but the reverse is also true.

2: Never take it personally

Don't take anything the other person says, including non-verbal comments, as an attack on you. This is a way of combating a kind of natural paranoia, which is heightened if self-confidence is fragile. There may be other explanations for this situation. You need to get into the habit of questioning what you have understood, heard or seen, before believing that it is directed against you. Even if the criticism against you is obvious, it will always be nothing more than a projection of the other person's reality onto you. You are not what the other person sees or thinks. From the moment that this non-judgement of yourself, or of what the other person thinks, is non-operational for you, your self-confidence and assertiveness (ability to take a good place in the relationship) is improved.

3: Don't make assumptions

To a certain extent, this means stopping making assumptions about what's going on in the relationship, without knowing. As long as you don't know the ins and outs, you don't know anything about the situation. Always wait until you know before you believe. Don't let yourself be fooled by your beliefs. Once again, only an explanation will enable you to understand. Let go of what you can't control and wait to see what life will teach you.

4: Always do your best 

What's right for you in the present moment? If you follow this rule, you'll find that you feel more in tune with yourself. Each of us always does our best. As soon as we observe ourselves with more kindness, we give ourselves the ability to gain energy to live better with ourselves. When the days are not so good, we can rest on the fact that we'll be in better shape another time. The more difficult moments tend to diminish when we look at life from a positive angle.  Love, confidence and self-esteem are multiplied.

Respecting what is best for us is not selfishness. From the moment we are a good person for ourselves, we will also be a good person for others, without judgement or expectations from others.

In view of the success of this book, the conferences and Mr Ruiz's inspirations, once integrated as codes of conduct, it is obvious that people feel much better in their lives and in their relationships, so why not give it a try?